You heard it here first!

Right. Friday night.
Like an episode of Eastenders - not so South-East style!
Just a quick note before I start, no-one, not even the partakers remember what happened Friday night - I literally am the only one with the full story, much to the Rugby boys dismay!
And now you, blog followers, will know exactly what happened..

To kick it all off- my final day at work.
Leaving the office, after the cakes & lunching was pretty sad. AJ (boss) had tonnes to finish, so I escaped to the suburbs, for tea, and more cakes with the God Mother & her daughter, drama queen AO'B.
Another mansion, another pang of jealousy, and it was soon back to the office to retrieve the father for a final time.
This was when the fun began. Calls of EJ (Senior) throughout the day meant that she'd been a la alcohol for several hours, with boyf in tow. AJ and I decided takeaway was the only way to go for dinner, without AJ (female) to cook for us, and EJ (Jnr.) out for dinner. Waiting for the chinese, a quick dip into Spoons for a drink -we recieved the most strange of comments (my dad and I) with old men presuming I was his mistress..
Quickly leaving, after awkward looks and humourous comments - chinese onboard - it was homeward bound for chowing the food.
This was around 8pm - and both AJ and I had already recieved about 10 texts/calls a piece off EJ (Snr.) it was decided I'd be taxi for the night, and sack off any not-so-plans that i'd not-quite-made for my Friday night - even on my last day of work!
9pm - a quick drop in from LB (to pick up a blueberry muffin) and it was taxi away for EJ & GW from The Mercia. (A former working-mens club: dirty, sleezy, and very underage.) Walking in, sober, it seemed like I'd stepped on set. EJ (Snr.) disgustingly drunk, and GW following close behind - trying to get them to leave was an effort that I wasn't willing to make. So after talking it through - it was decided I'd return for them at 11, after meeting up with some of my own friends for a drink, prior to me having to pick up EJ (Jnr.) & boyf at 11.15.
Arriving at location for JB, TP (hotty), Bendy et al. it was a lemonade for the driver, and a quick chat. 10.45 came, and I thought it best to retrieve my sisters. Leaving the bar, it was back to the dive - and back to an even more drunken sister.
This was when it all really began.

EJ kitted out head-to-toe in my clothes, new drink in hand, had misplaced her Ted Baker coat.
Not wanting to leave, it took the best part of half an hour to round the pair up, with GW playing silly drinking games with familar boys - and EJ stumbling out of a verbal fight and into the boys toilets.. I was ridiculously embarrassed, and just wanted to go home. Finally, after crawling round on my hands and knees to locate the coat, we were set to leave. Finally.
By this time, it was 11.30, and i was getting calls from the younger EJ wanting lifts.
The mini does not cater for a dual fare, so it was an attempt to return home with EJ (Snr.) and GW that started the butterfly effect.

Before they came home, the drunken pair wanted food, so a detour was needed. I complied to the request, and driving past spoons to get to the Kebab house they started blagging about a final drink whilst I took EJ (Jnr.) and boyf home, spotting GW's twin sister at the bar.
Thinking this was the easiest option for me to have a quiet life, they bailed the back seat and I sat around for 10 minutes waiting on EJ (Jnr.) with my phone running out of battery (perfect) just as I'd got there. Deciding the best thing to do was go in and get her, EJ (Jnr.) and boyf were in no position to leave. Both, fag in hand, and new drink arriving I spotted JT and SW inside. A polite 'hello', and a few awkward comments, I was finally good to go; EJ (Snr.) was nowhere to be seen, and turns out she'd left her phone in the car..
A 10 minute each way drive took boyf home, and I was all set to pick up GW and Senior for the final time. It was then, on the return, I got a call from GW saying the pair had moved onto The Dolphin (more of a hovel than The Mercia- notorious for petty crime, and local behaviour) even though I was screaming at them not to leave Spoons... Too late.
On the town approach, it was drama, drama, drama.
EJ (Snr.) stood in the middle of the highstreet in hysterics, just as the police car pulled away from the HSBC. Putting two and two together, with her flying solo in her state, it was quickly learned that GW had been arrested for fighting and being drunk and disorderly.
Convincing EJ (Snr.) EJ (Jnr.) and I would sort it if she'd got in the car - we drove around the corner to the police station, where it was decided that I would try and bail him out - as the only one without a drink in my system.
The EJ's stayed in the car, and I had the Senior's phone, trying desperately to ring GW to see what was going on. The normal front door of the police station was closed, so after calling GW's house (with no success) and one of GW's friends that he had spent the night with (just as drunk) to try and get GW's brother's phone number - I thought the only thing I could do was go round to the custody cells to try and blag his way out.
A ten minute plea with the police man, and it was decided if he had calmed down, and complied with what the police said, he wouldn't actually have to stay in the cell for the night, but would be escorted home. Result!
Returning to the car - turns out EJ (Jnr.) was having trouble with EJ (Snr.) - unaware of what had gone on at the station. Silly me didn't lock the pair into the car, and Snr. was making her escape ploy, with Jnr. unable to restrain her.
A brawl in the street, and a police woman came outside the station - to the sight of the EJ's screaming at each other whilst I phoned my home to let AJ know EJ (Snr.) was on the verge of arrest. Apologies followed from Jnr. and I to the police woman for Snr's. behaviour - and she escaped the cells, still bawling and fighting the restraint efforts. Then, the police car left the station, with GW in the back seat, crying his eyes out.
Turns out - he'd fought a boy that called Snr. a drunken slag. Not surprising.
Escaping with a caution and an £80 fine - the pair of them crying - she tried to shout her way into the police car with him. The pair of police driving the car were obviously not having any of it, and more apologies from Jnr. and I followed, with the car leaving finally, and the three J's getting back in the car - after more arguments and fighting over taking her to the W house. Not happening now that AJ was up, and waiting.
Home, and it was disgusted remarks from AJ that sent Snr. to bed.

But, alas! The night was not over..

Turns out GW had been dropped off at home, but hadn't gone in - and had managed to sort himself - in his drunken state - a lift back down to my house. 10 minutes later, AJ clearly not having gone back to bed - heard a car door slam outside, footsteps on the landing to where Snr. was stood, fully dressed, phone in hand - 'i'm just going to get a glass of water'.
GW had arrived, and AJ started shouting - silly a.m.
GW ended up staying, with EJ (Snr.) now permanently labelled black sheep - AJ literally on the verge of throwing her out now.
One false move and I think she'll just be E, minus the J.

Drama, drama, drama.

Next day - the pair woke up - him with swollen face - sick on the floor - no apology came my way. And turns out her FB status made a joke of the whole fucking ordeal - even though neither of them remembered anything - and I spent the morning literally filling in the blanks.
I hate the fact she's the golden girl - the one that people talk about - the musical prodigy.
Fuck that!

Could only happen here!